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I would like to be sure chick - because I was sure that I had breast cancer a few years before the Doctor would take me seriously and order the mammogram for me. Once diagnosed it was stage 3 and growing rapidly. I had the surgery on March 24, 2006 and finished my chemo the end of September 2006. So far my hair is just coming in, and wow, it is looking like duck fuzz...and I believe it might be curly or at least wavy, which I am happy about.

Well, to fill you in a bit, I was a little chubby, so the Doctors said that there wasn't anything wrong with me except that I was FAT!!! I cannot begin to tell you just how much I hate that word FAT. Seems if you are 10 to 20 lbs over weight you are considered FAT. What ever happened to bedside manners? So, finally I lost that weight and went back to the Doctor and still insisted on having a mammogram, then it was okay and the test was ordered. Immediately after the test the radiologist came in and talked to me telling me that I have Cancer, yes that other bad word, and he was sending me to the surgeon. Well, to make a long story short, I went, they did the biopsy, and then the radical mastectomy. Which by the way was like pulling into a fast food place driving in and out. But this was different; I went in with my breast and left without it. I had asked the nurse if she could help me, and perhaps give me some information on how to take care of myself, and she laughed and said that I could go on the Internet and read all about it if I wanted. How in sensitive of her. So for almost 3 months I still could not look at myself, and followed through with the chemo. Once I did look at myself, I just fell apart. I had a large indentation on one side and this big boob on the other.

In September, when finished with my chemo, I saw a re-constructive surgeon, about having an implant.......well as life would have it, they don't believe they can do it, and asked if I would go to my surgeon and talk with him again....so I did. He asked if I would come back in January of 2007; my appointment is set up.

Now, they have found other cancer in my body and they said it was FAT, because I have now gained over 60 pounds from all of the chemo and steroids....what is a girl to do? Here is that word again FAT. Now at almost 200 lbs and the cancer is in my lung, diaphragm, abdomen, and they won't tell me where else, they are sending me to the Theoretic surgeon. Appointments are now set....time will tell........but they did tell me that they want me to have more surgery in January, however I only have a 5 % chance of living..........so, I feel that they are telling me to pick a date, time and place that I would like to die.

Next move I think I should make in the next few weeks would be to contact the funeral home, make arrangements and pay for everything.

I am so tired of trying to cheer up my family; I want to cheer myself up. All they say is wow, you sound good, you look good, so why are you not feeling well, and why are you tired? I don't understand - you look good. What is wrong with them, don't they understand that I do not feel well, and I am tired of trying to fake feeling good? I want to be spoiled and treated with respect from them. No, I get did you wash the clothes? The floors? Dust? What did you make for dinner? why didn't you vacuum today? Why are you so lazy? Don't they know I don't feel good!!!!!

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